you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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