Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
