I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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