I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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