I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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