i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
