I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
