Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
