He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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