I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
