sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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