Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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