i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize