Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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