How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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