help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
