um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
