I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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