he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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