So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
