She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize