he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize