Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
