There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize