you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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