you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize