Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
