Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
