I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
