I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
You can't motorboat a personality
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
