I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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