420 ftw
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
His nipple licking is glorious
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