He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize