I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
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