Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
