She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
