Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
