yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
