The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize