I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
