How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
