He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
did you just send me my own nude
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
