Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
