Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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