I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
