Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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