my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize