Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
