It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
