just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
