There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
