your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
