I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Randomize
