i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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