i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
