Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
did i walk over a car last night?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
