Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
