i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
