he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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