Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
