I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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