well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
