I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
You are the jesus of drinking
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
