thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Dear god my vagina.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
