what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
