My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
