I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
