I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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