Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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