if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
