what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
