last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
This baby is an asshole
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
