The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
