Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I faked an abortion last night.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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