Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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