It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
