u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
