so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
