we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
