dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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