OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
