Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
